Flaming Elf meets Gundam Wing
by Demeter2
Summary: New Gundam Pilots join the crew (beware of violence and blatant humor)
1. Rhe and Pyro join the squad

Flaming Elf meets Gundam Wing  
  
Chapter 1  
  
First, let's introduce our characters:  
  
Gundam Crew  
Heero: Gundam pilot 01  
Duo: Gundam pilot 02  
Trowa: Gundam pilot 03  
Quatra: Gundam pilot 04  
Wu-Fei: Gundam pilot 05  
  
Flaming Elf Crew  
Rhe: Abnormal teenager determined to be a Gundam pilot!  
Pyro: Thought she was getting on the tour bus.  
  
Now that we've established our characters, let's begin!  
  
Rhe and Pyro step off the bus in front of Quatra's house. Rhe rings the doorbell and out steps Wu-Fei.  
  
Rhe: Hi. You must be Wu-Fei.  
Wu-Fei: How utterly observant of you, woman. What business have you here??  
  
With that, Wu-Fei whips out his sword and starts to polish it obsessively. At this point, Quatra comes outside.  
  
Quatra: Wu-Fei, are you trying to scare the Girl Guides again? They make such lovely cookies. Remember those vanilla ones? Mmmm.......vanilla........  
  
Quatra begins to drool.  
  
Rhe: Hey Quatra! Let me introduce myself, I'm Rhe and this is-  
Wu-Fei: (manically) WE DO NOT WANT ANY BLASTED COOKIES! GET THE PICTURE! (storms inside)  
Rhe: But I want my cookie seller badge (pouts). Oh well. As I was saying, I'm Rhe and this is Pyro.  
Quatra: How lovely to meet you. Come right inside and meet everyone. Uh, do you have any cookies to sell?   
Pyro: I have some pocket lint!  
Quatra:...................Right..........Come inside, come inside. It's sort of a mess, you know how it is when five teenage boys live together with absolutely no parental control, and Wu-Fei's been freaking out a lot lately.....  
Rhe: That's alright, all he needs is some good homemade strawberry jelly!  
Quatra: Mmmmmm.......strawberries..........(drools again)  
Rhe: So........(entering the house) This is........nice.  
  
The house is a complete mess, clothes and dishes scattered everywhere, as well as random weaponry.  
  
Quatra: It's not usually this bad..........................Heero just had his 'alone time' interrupted and kind of........well, flipped out.....  
Rhe: Right..........  
Pyro: I have some pocket lint!  
Rhe: So how does someone become a Gundam Pilot around here? I mean, is there a form to fill out or something?  
Wu-Fei: (entering the living room) WOMEN CAN NOT BE GUNDAM PILOTS! THEY ARE WEAK! WEAK I TELL YOU! I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS BLASPHEMY OF GUNDAM PILOTING!  
Duo: (entering) Wu-Fei, the doctor told you to watch your blood pressure.....Hey! New people! (whispering to Rhe and Pyro) You've got to get me out of here! They're insane I tell you!  
Rhe: Yeah. We just wanna be Gundam pilots. We thought since you're all Gundam pilots you could explain to us how to do this.  
Duo: Oh, that's easy. First you have to be manically insane. Quatra is an exception here, he's only insane part of the time. Unlike Wu-Fei-  
Wu-Fei: Infidel! If I hear one more word out of you.....  
Duo: (ignoring Wu-Fei's loud protestations) Secondly, you need a Gundam. Luckily, we have a few extra ones lying around. I'll get Heero To show you where they are.  
Heero: (from other room) What are you getting me into Duo?? Shut your fat mouth or you'll really get it this time!!!  
Duo: Um........yeah. And that's pretty much it. Oh yeah, you have to live here and deal with five 15-year-old crazy guys who are constantly fighting, but I'm sure you'll be able to handle that.  
Pyro: Sounds great! Where do we sign up?  
Wu-Fei: IDIOT! HE JUST TOLD YOU YOU DON'T HAVE TO SIGN UP! LISTEN FOR ONCE YOU PATHETIC MISERABLE WOMAN!  
  
Rhe slaps Wu-Fei across the face HARD. Wu-Fei bursts into tears and runs from the room.  
  
Quatra: Hey, violence is NOT COOL.  
Duo: Yo ucan cut the crap Quatra, he's gone. Nice work, we've been wanting to do that for a long time!  
Rhe: No problem, anytime.  
Pyro: (whining) Rhe-eeee! You shouldn't hit, it's not niiiiiiiiiiiiiice!  
Heero: (still in other room) Did I hear Wu-Fei crying? Nice work!   
  
  
Well this is the end for now, when I get a review I'll write Chapter 2!  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2: Pokemon and Chicken Kiev

Author's note: Well, you asked for it, and here it is……………

**Author's note:** Well, you asked for it, and here it is……………..

Disclaimer: The only characters I own are Flaming Elf, and I think they're getting a lawyer……..

Rhe woke up with the sun in her eyes.She checked the clock beside her bed.Five A.M.??!!??

"All right, rise and shiiiiiiiiiiiiine!" Someone yelled from downstairs.

With a groan Rhe got out of bed and made her way downstairs, where the Gundam Pilots were assembled.Pyro was on the couch snoring……………

"Hi, how are you this morning?" A frustratingly awake Quatra asked.

The look on Rhe's face made him turn around and walk away.

"Is there any coffee around here?" She asked, yawning.

"Sure," said Duo cheerfully. "But you'll want the pot on the left, the other one is Heero and Wu-Fei's and it's basically TAR."

"Perfect! Lead me to it!" Rhe ran to the kitchen and gulped down a pot of black coffee, much to the shock of the other pilots. 

"Hey! You! Woman!That was my coffee!" Wu-Fei shrieked.

"You want a piece of me?? Yeah, that's what I thought." She said as Wu-Fei backed away cautiously.

"All right, guys, what are we gonna do today?" Duo asked the guys.

Trowa was the first to reply. "Well I'm not making sugar cookies again! You and Quatra are untrustworthy in the kitchen and I will not eat black rock-hard biscuits again!"

"You guys tried to cook? There's just so much we don't know about you…" Pyro said thoughtfully.

"Hey, you wanna cook, I'm your girl.Let's go!" Rhe grabbed Duo, Heero, and Quatra and dragged them into the kitchen, while Wu-Fei snuck off to check on Nataku and make sure Duo hadn't painted it pink again.This left Pyro and Trowa sitting on opposite sides of the couch.

"So……."

"So……."

"Wanna give me a tour of the house?"

"I really should go…um….work on Heavy Arms…."

"PUH-LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE???"

"I suppose I could……………"

"YAY! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY LET'S GO!"

Trowa headed up the stairs, wondering just what exactly he had gotten himself into.I mean, this chick was psycho! The look on her face was similar to the look Sailor Jupiter gets whenever she sees a guy resemblant of her old boyfriend.And all this over a house? 

"Oh……….my…………..GOD! Games room!" Pyro suddenly went into anime-hyper-speed.

"Don't touch that! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"N-64! Can we play? Please please please please PLEASE?"

"I…….don't really know how……."

"Oh come on, I'll show you Pokemon Stadium!"

"All right, one game!"

"Poke-ball, GO!"

Unexpectedly, three hours later, they were still playing, and Trowa was getting obsessed.

"Bulbasaur, I choose you! GO!"

…………..Yeah.And now that we are all thoroughly freaked out let's head back to the kitchen………..

Rhe: No! You FOLD the cream into the chocolate! FOLD it! Not beat the shit out of it! Are you nuts?

Duo: But I thought there were no nuts in this one………

Heero: Quatra! Don't you dare go near that crème brulee! It's my masterpiece!

Quatra: Awwwwwww, all I wanted was a taste……

Wu-Fei: What in the name of Nataku is going on in here?

Heero: Oh, no you don't, no one gets near this! It's mine I tell you and I will not share!

Rhe: You do realise this is going to be our supper? And if you don't share I'll clock you!

(Big weird fight cloud)

Ruleena: Oh my GOD! We're all gonna die!

Heero: Relena? Hide me!

Duo: Relena? Run!

Quatra: Relena? Ah, she's not niiiiiiiiice!

Wu-Fei: Keep that psycho away from me!

Rhe: Is she even supposed to be here??

Ruleena: Heero! I was so worried after that last conference when you self-destructed for the 374th time! I thought you really died that time!

Heero: If you take one more step towards that crème brulee, I will destroy you!

Duo: Watch the rugelach! It's still hot!

Quatra: I think my souffle de-souffled.

Rhe: Why is Relena here?She'll make the milk go bad!

Duo: I thought you had a. electric fence installed! How did she get in?

Wu-Fei: Woman devil! Weak!

Relena: Shut up you cretin!

Wu-Fei glares.Relena shuts up, then turns back to Heero with that dumb blonde Barbie-doll look on her face, her head tilted to one side.

Relena: Heero, come with me.I'll keep you safe, you belong with me……

Duo: Oh no, she's doing that again!

Rhe: All right, I don't care if you are the queen of the world! This is MY kitchen and if you don't leave RIGHT NOW, I'm going to kick your DUMB BLONDE ASS!!!

Quatra: Ooh, BURNED!

Relena: That's not nice! I'm telling! (storms off)

Duo: Will that be before or after you win Heero's love?

Heero: Wow, THAT was cool!

Rhe: That bitch almost made me forget about my Napoleon Torte! Now, back to work people, chicken kiev doesn't braise itself, now does it! Yeah, That's what I thought.

Quatra: Work with me here!If you don't keep quiet my souffle will deflate itself….

Rhe: Okay, another bay leaf into the soup, and Wu-Fei, check the brioche…..

Wu-Fei: The what?

Rhe: THE BREAD IN THE OVEN!

And so another day passes in the Gundam Wing household, tune in next week for Chapter 3: Relena must die! (And we get Gundam pilots!)


	3. Psychopathic Insomniac

Disclaimer : I only own Rhe and Pyro, and now that they have actually gotten a lawyer,  
  
I don't think that arrangement will last long. Paying goddamned liberties to characters  
  
I made up! *snarl*  
  
Chapter 3 :   
  
*After the meal was finally finished, the gundam crew and their newly aqcuired comrades  
  
setteled down for a quiet evening....or so they thought....*  
  
Everyone at the table was watching Trowa and Pryo carefully, as their behaviour had been  
  
getting increasingly odd over the past few hours. It took Rhe a few minutes to realise   
  
what was so strange, but she finally noticed that neither of them had touched their   
  
carefully prepared meal and they both seemed to have their hands under the table.  
  
"All right, put the goddamned controllers down RIGHT NOW! I've told you time and again, no  
  
Pokemon Stadium at the table!"  
  
In true anime style, both Trowa and Pyro's eyes grew to about coaster size as they attempted  
  
to look as innocent as possible.  
  
"I spent ALL DAY in that lousy excuse for a kitchen--"  
  
"HEY! WHO MADE THAT SOUFFLE ALL BY HIMSELF!" Quatra interjected.  
  
Rhe turned and glared at the offending pilot, who quickly returned his focus to his dinner  
  
plate.   
  
"Yes, woman, and where do you think your beloved brioche would be if I, Wu-Fei, had not   
  
rescued it from CERTAIN BURNING!" Wu-Fei added in a whiny, annoyed tone.  
  
Rhe turned her head slowly, exorcist style to gaze at him. "And where do you think Nataku  
  
will end up if you don't shut your freakin' pie hole, huh? You want some? HUH?"  
  
At this Pyro finally spoke up. "Did you guys uhm...let her have coffee this morning?"  
  
"Well I didn't think it'd be a big deal..." Duo said meekly.  
  
"How about I give you guys a couple of pointers on how to deal with Rhe: one, always remove  
  
all pocket lint before you get on the tour bus, and two, never offer coffee to a psychopathic  
  
insomniac. It's just NOT A GOOD IDEA."   
  
At this comment, both Quatra and Duo looked up at her.   
  
"What does pocket lint have to do with--" Duo started.  
  
"Hey, don't argue with me. I've been dealing with that lunatic since elementary school."  
  
"Hey, since when did you start talking in full, grammatically correct, sensical sentences?"  
  
Trowa asked suspiciously. "Oh my god! THEY'VE GOTTEN YOU HAVEN'T THEY?? THE DEMON BODY   
  
SNATCHERS FROM HELL!!!"  
  
"Ahem. Right, must have forgotten myself. I have pocket lint!"  
  
Trowa sighed in relief. "Better, much better."  
  
"So. When do get those Gundams?" Rhe asked impatiently.  
  
"Right, well about that...it's not like we keep a few extras lying around, so we're going  
  
to have to ask for a small contribution from you guys so we can order them. I have a   
  
catalogue somewhere around here..." Heero started rummaging around under the table (god   
  
knows what he was expecting to find under a table?) and emerged triumphantly with a very   
  
large, very dusty catalogue that looked suspiciously like a Sears Catalogue.   
  
Rhe slowly raised her eyebrows. "What kind of contribution?"  
  
Heero looked uncomfortable and coughed out an answer.  
  
"What was that? I didn't catch what you just said."  
  
"(cough) 50 million yen (cough) each (cough)."  
  
"Yeah, that's what I thought I heard. Well, you can just shove that right up your--"  
  
"Aww, come on Heero," Quatra quickly intervened. "We could cut them a little deal, and put  
  
that Sears Catalogue away. There is no such thing as a 'Gundam Catalogue' and we DO have a   
  
couple extra ones lying around. They're kind of fixer-uppers, but a gundam's a gundam right?"  
  
Rhe smiled at Quatra. "Aww thanks! I knew you guys would come through for us!" She shot   
  
Heero an evil look before continuing. "At least SOME of you are thoughtful an considerate,   
  
and won't end up dying early of a sudden unexpected knifing in a back alley."  
  
Heero quickly left the table and headed off to find the extra Gundams, muttering about devil  
  
spawn. The rest of the meal passed normally, except for a few reminders to Trowa and Pyro  
  
about playing N64 at the dinner table.  
  
************ 


End file.
